This was 2018

At the beginning of 2018, I told myself that I wouldn't set any new year's resolutions, because I didn't believe I could get very far with my acquired set of skills, or lack thereof. I had just graduated from my Honours degree, leaving four years of tertiary education behind, and was consumed by the uncertainty of what I could and could not do. I was settling for mediocre, not even trying to reach for anything. Halfway through the year, my eyes were opened to the truth: what I had believed was a lie from the pit of hell. In fact, I realised that I was believing in a big ol' cobweb of lies that prevented me from stepping into anything remotely close to my 'calling'. But at the same time, I had so much on my plate, and I loved it.

In February, I was presented with a choice - an opportunity in disguise - to leave my home for the unknown. As I was looking through my calendar, I saw that I had so much in my agenda until the last days of August. I tried thinking of things I could do in Perth in September, but I saw nothing. Then the Lord came upon me and said, 'you see nothing there because you won't be here'. I began to take big steps towards it, but I kept telling God, 'if you really want me to go, you have to make it happen.' Little did I know, He really wanted me to go. After I made the heart decision to go in the evening of late May, I quickly realised that I had to make the constant choice every single day to trust Him. It was hard, and the lies I was believing were taunting me every day. But, I pushed through every lie, walking the narrow path whilst holding His hand. This journey from late May to late August was extraordinary, to say the least. Along the way, I've realised that there were so many little 'signs' that pointed to this unknown. It was full of work, ministry, love, and trust.

Here are a few photos from that time my friend took me to a rooftop carpark in Perth city the week before I left.

On the 28th of August 2018, I finally arrived in Redding, California. As school began in the first few weeks of September, I quickly found a community created together with a bunch of people who came here with their own hardship, happiness, and history with the Creator. From day one, I have encountered the Father, I have encountered Jesus, and I have encountered Holy Spirit like never before. The enemy's lies have been and are continuing to be exposed, extinguished, and replaced by the truth. I call Him Papa, and I call myself a princess because I've learned about who I am. I've learned that I am human, but I am not a sinner - that is not my nature nor my name. I've learned that I am a powerful person, capable of managing my own responses and decisions. I've learned that I don't have to give in to my feelings. I've learned that I do hear His voice and that I steward His words well. I've learned that I'm beautiful, loved, lovable, and I was made to radically love. I've learned that my time with Papa in the secret place is my favourite place. I've experienced joy like never before. I've learned to choose fruits over gifts. I've learned the different faces of rest and how to live in constant dialogue with Holy Spirit. I've learned that He knows what I need, but He also wants to my wildest dreams to come true. I've learned that I don't have to settle for mediocre and I don't have to stay in the background. I've learned that I can and will lead. I've learned that I carry glory, breakthrough, intimacy with the Father, and I reek of heaven's sweet aroma. I could continue to list what I've learned here so far, but then we would be here forever. So this is where I conclude. 

2018 was truly a wild ride. Even though I've learned so much and visited so many new places, I am delighted at the thought that there is so much more to be learnt and so many more places to visit in 2019. In this journey of total surrender, I choose love. I choose to keep my love on, no matter what.

ex oh,

CITRA