Reflecting First Year

[written from a coffee shop in the Hartfield-Jackson International Airport]

So I'm sitting in a coffee shop hours before I need to check in to my flight, because I have nowhere else to go, and I'm looking through all of my past journal entries, blog posts, and photo diaries of my time in Redding, California as a First Year BSSM student. As I look through everything, I notice the rawness, the vulnerability, and the transformation that has occurred. Every journal entry, I learned something new about how I allowed Jesus to come in and renew my mind. I don't think I can reflect on everything, but what I can tell you is this: I am not the same person who arrived in Redding nine months ago. Sure, I may look the same (though I've probably gained a few pounds), but internally, my mindset, my attitude, and my core values are now fully aligned to heaven.

What did you learn?

A million things, probably. However, if I had to chuck it all in a nutshell, I would say that I learned who God is and who I am. When I discovered who God was, I discovered who I was. It was so simple. As He revealed truths about Himself to me, He also revealed truths about my own identity. Bill always said this: 'I can't afford to have thoughts about myself that God doesn't have about me.' So with that said, these past nine months were a journey of God revealing Himself to me, and myself agreeing with who God says I am.

Who is God?

Papa God! He is good and always in a good mood. He loves to heal. He loves me. He loves to love me just because He loves me. He is my provider. He is my peace in the storm. He is my gardener; He causes me to grow. He is never mad at me, He is proud and never disappointed in me. He always comes through. He wants the best for me. He is always fighting for my cause. He cares about me. He knows everything about me. He is my best friend, my father, and my favourite person to talk to! Most importantly, He loves me. He is the goal, and since He lives inside me, I inherit His victory! 

Who am I?

I'm Citra. I am loved. I am cherished. I am seen. I am beautiful. I am a creator, just like Papa. I am Papa's little girl, His mighty princess, His warrior. I am co-heirs with Christ, which means the same power that raises Jesus from the dead lives inside of me! That means if Jesus healed the sick, cast out demons, and raised the dead, so can I! It also means I am FREE, no longer bound by the chains of sin and shame! The enemy will always try to kill, steal, and destroy, but I have a choice to listen to the voice of the enemy or the voice of my Father. And I make good decisions! I am powerful, anointed, and appointed to kill giants. I am designed to worship Him, to respond to His goodness, and to hold His hand always. I am intimately connected to the Father. I am brave. I am steadfast. I carry the sweetness of heaven so that others would know that the Father is sweet and loves extravagantly. I know the voice of my Father and I say 'yes' when He asks me to do things. I love people well and I love others like Jesus loved. I am a friend of God - He cares about my ideas and I can change His mind! I am a kingdom carrier and He loves to live inside of me!

What did you learn most?

Honestly, every environment I was in gave me something, no matter how big or small of a 'revelation' it was. However, the line through it all was one thing: community. Each of them looked different, but in each of them, there was vulnerability, honesty, joy, patience, and love. I learned how to be a big sister, a little sister, a mother, and a daughter. I learned how to love extravagantly, be loved extravagantly, and BE extravagant love. I would acquire knowledge and encounter God and a million things each day, but it was with people that I was able to process, apply, conquer fear and grow. It was in community where Papa showed me how much He loves me. It was in community where I realised the power and authority I carried. It was in community where I was called to a higher standard. It was in community where I grew, and it is in community where I will continue to grow.

I could talk about a million other things I learned during my time in Redding, but I won't. Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. That's definitely the best thing I learned. Jesus loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me. Oh how He loves me! What more could I ever ask for? 

But, it doesn't end there. I'm not the only one. Papa loves EVERYONE. Some people know it, some people don't. So, I discovered a burning desire in my heart to help people discover how much Papa loves them and allow this radical love to transform them.

love,

CITRA